Life is like a bowl of ... stew?

As the days of recovery and on going I find it amazing the thoughts that go through one's mind. Without the day to day grind of work you can let you mind wander and not get in trouble for it.

As I was walking down the hall way of the apartment building, this is where I walk since I really cannot get out of the building on my own and it is generally too cod to go outside a lot during the winter, I noticed how even in such short a hallway the element of perspective still worked. You know that aspect of drawing that to show distance you show 2 parallel lines that intersect to represent something being farther away from the viewer? Well even in my hallway there was that little but of the lines drawing nearer to each other. That always reminds me of one of my favorite "Demotivator" calendar pictures. It shows a man running on a country highway that goes through hills and ends in that vanishing point. The caption below reads something like, "The race for quality never ends ... so really is more like a death march". Having worked in the Quality department of my company I know the full meaning of that phrase!

I was thinking how much of like we view like that road. The road of our lives lies out in front of us and we walk along it; hills, valleys, rough spots, everything. We see our lives in a very liner fashion. Yet home many times do we see the practical out workings of our lives being so much more complex than a linear existence, so much more complex. Walking up and down this hallway is a part of the recovery process and yet so many other things like having to put work on hold for 6 weeks, having little or no structure to your days (except for the hourly walks), wondering what will be after this hill climb - will it be easier or harder?

Of course it is Saturday which means one highlight of me week, the cooking shows on PBS! The best one hands down is America's Test Kitchen which I always look forward to! Today they were making a better Mexican chicken with rice, looked very good!!! That got me thinking if like were not more like a pot of stew. Now I will be the first to admit this is a very weak analogy with only limited application and may be riddled with flaws, but it is my blog. If you don't like it, write your own! :-)

How much of life is like a pot of stew? Our lives, including ourselves are a part of that pot. God is the cook and He has added as he has seen fit the ingredients. Now knowing He is all wise and all knowing we know He does not make mistakes but if we see life as a recipe being pulled together over the years it does take on a few more dimensions than our linear road example.
Every ingredient adds something, changes the flavor, enhances something or diminishes something else. It is amazing how a pinch of salt can tone down the high acidity of tomatoes. How a little bit of coffee will bring out the full flavor of chocolate, etc. If we were to look at our lives more in this way, how does it change? If you have gotten a pocket or concentration of spice in a soup spoon you know how it can change not only the flavor but the enjoyment of a meal. If we are in the midst of this stew and as we mix among the ingredients, all we have to do it get too close to a concentration og garlic or bay leaf and we are overcome by it's intensity. Does this mean we have to exclude this ingredient? Should we get rid of those parts that have not yet been fully incorporated? Stew, like life, gets better with age in many ways because the intensities are evened out. The whole does become greater than the sum of it's parts. if we see our lives not as a series of fortunate ( or unfortunate) events occurring one after another, many times in rapid succession but as a whole with all those occurrences being the flavor of the whole of the life how does that change things? Am I more ready to see bigger picture? Can I allow just a pinch of one thing to be added to tone down another bad one or enhance another good one? Will I see that the one bad bump in the road was not just something to be experienced but may have been something which will flavor me for some time? Will this surgery experience be simply a time in my life where I got to take some time off from work and put so many things on hold, or will it be a thing that can enhance the whole? Without it this blog would never have been started, for instance. I will not be able to walk down the hallway of a hospital and see someone being put through their first walk or two. I will not view someone in the nursing profession quite the same way again. All because of one incident along a linear road that will soon pass never to be repeated but may be remembered by a few tourist pictures taken along the way.

I should like to think that my life is best viewed as that pot of stew. Take the linear time element out of it and see how those "bumps" or "detours" or ruts" actually become flavoring or enhancments, maybe even the meat chinks you get to chew on in the stew of my life and experience. I live in it and so I partake in it, but others also partake in it. Sometimes it tastes better than others due to what is there but as a whole it is more what I do with it (trying to keep certain things separate from the whole) and what I allow it to become.

The other option is that the pain medication is really kicking in today and this is the result. hmmmm...

Waking up is hard to do ...

Would you like some ice chips, Michael?

ummm, yeah.

(wooozy)

Would you like some more ice chips, Michael?

ummm, yeah...

I remember feeling like like I was choking too every time I swallowed. It was scary!

Those were the first recollections after saying goodbye to my wife, being rolled down hallways and into the operating room for a radical prostectomy, the course I had chosen for dealing with an early diagnosis of prostate cancer.

The road here started quite a whole earlier when I was going in to get a new prescription on by Hypertension medicine. We did not have a "regular" doctor since we had recently moved from Iowa. "Anyone will do fine" was my answer to which Doctor I would like to set an appointment with.

The Doctor I drew was not content to just give me my prescription (which I have been on for about 7 years now), no he wanted to learn more about me. What was my family medical history, for example. "Adopted" is the answer to that one, there is no known family history. So, can I have my prescription now...?

"Well then I think we should run a fill battery of tests and find out what you do and do not have" was his answer. GREAT!! I HATE needles!

I was not going to do the return test and just get another doctor next time, but I decided it was easier to just do it and get him off my back.

Then the results came back. PSA levels are elevated.

Ok...so...?

Urologist??? Are you kidding??? NO WAY!!!

But I eventually did. If you thought the doctor's one finger exam was bad, are YOU in for the shock of your life! Prostate biopsies are really not fun at all!!! Not to mention a complete invasion of privacy!!! Why do you think we cal them PRIVATES anyway???

2 weeks later, the test results come back. Finally I can put this whole thing to rest and just get on with life.

Cancer.

What?

We found cancer cells in your prostate.

My world suddenly fell apart. Or should I say it all came to a standstill. I was frozen in time. Many have aptly described it as getting the wind knocked out of you. You can't breathe, you can't move, you just sit there.

After leaving the office stunned my wife and I had some errands to run which all seemed to be suddenly very unimportant. It was the day after Thanksgiving, 2008.

After much time and prayer and reading and soul searching and conversations I finally decided it was going to be the surgery. Remove the prostate completely.

Then there was the waiting for the surgery date. It took so long to come and yet it was so short a wait.

The drive to the hospital was the longest one I have driven, all 3 miles of it. Got checked in, got undressed, met the people who would be involved in the surgery and then it was time.

As I was rolled away, my wife came by, grasped my hand and repeated the greatest words I have ever heard, "The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious unto you..." bu this time we were both in tears, "The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you His peace!" and with that she was gone.

In and out of the elevator, down the hall to the operating room. Big lights, yet for all the light there was NO HEAT in the room.

A few extra words of explanation and I was out. The next thing I remember...

"Would you like some ice chips, Michael?"

Ummm, yeah.

And so the recovery began.